When my husband and I first moved in together, we had each lived alone and were pretty pleased to find out that now there was someone else to do some of the household chores! We sort of felt our way along, dividing up chores figuring it out as we went. For example, I did most of the cooking and my husband did most of the eating.
For the more distasteful chores, we would decide who hated the job the most and they would get off the hook, but then the person who had gotten out of that job had to take some other horrible job that bothered the other person. For example, my husband was in charge of live and/or dead animals (and their parts) brought into the house by any of the cats, while I was responsible for other icky things cats do on the carpet (think about it, you can figure it out).
Because we lived rurally, we didn’t have garbage pick-up. That meant that we had to drive it to the drop-off. What this also meant was that for the first five years we were together, the job of “taking the garbage out” didn’t get “assigned” to either of us because we couldn’t just take it out to the can. Here in our new place, we do have garbage pick-up and we even have one of those animal proof cans outside, so now someone has to take the garbage out. Today I did a bunch of cooking, and while I compost all scraps, I still make some garbage (although for the last 2 week period we only had one small bag!) and today the kitchen garbage kept getting fuller and fuller and I kept thinking to myself, “When is he going to take the garbage out?”
After dinner, when we were scraping the plates, it suddenly hit me…even though it is probably twenty feet to the door and another ten feet to the outside garbage can, I was waiting for my husband to take out the garbage as if it were HIS job! And I figured out the reason. When I was a kid either my brother or my father took out the garbage. I know my mum would say I hardly ever emptied the dishwasher, and she’s probably right, but I know my brother NEVER did, just like I never took out the garbage. Anyway, I explained all this to my husband as I gave him the garbage and he took it out. 🙂
And now, I’m finally to the part about writing. It is so easy for us to fall into these roles in our daily life, either from childhood, society, or the relationships we’ve chosen. It doesn’t make these roles bad. If the woman likes to cook and the man feels good about taking out the garbage, then I don’t think that’s sexist. Nor do I think it is reverse sexism if it’s the other way. Or any combination. But what about when you’re writing? Are all of the people of power in your books men? What about the principal? The doctor? What about other roles? Is the school janitor a man or woman? Who fixes the cars in your book? Who knows how to change a tire? Who cooks? Who takes the garbage out? Who does the laundry? Stays home with a sick child? Does the grocery shopping? Pays the bills? Mows the lawn? Throws the birthday party? Barbecues? Drives the car when the family goes somewhere?
These are all things I think are worth exploring. I am a woman who writes primarily for teen girls. I feel like it’s an opportunity to write roles that empower women. I won’t force it for the sake of making a point, but if it fits, if it works, why not? I think the first time I remember really seeing something like this is in Jerry Spinelli’s book JASON AND MARCELINE. There is a scene where Jason is talking to his mother and the whole time they’re talking, she is changing the shower head. There’re no qualifiers in this scene. There’s no “Mom fixes everything because her Dad made her learn.” or “Mom learned how to fix stuff because my step-father is useless.” It is just a given that she knows what she’s doing and she does it. If you write it like that, then you’re not making a point, but simply putting women in roles doing things that they actually do, but you don’t often see in books or on TV or in movies.
What do you do that might generally be thought of as the opposite sex’s role? Have you used it in your book?
What a great post, Joelle!
Thinking about your questions, I realize that my life in general goes against female gender stereotypes. I live a “bachelor” lifestyle: single, no divorces, no children. I’m doing it all for myself — and unapologetically. I’m not pining for my wedding day, hitting the online ads, or anything like that. It’s odd that in this day and age, people still ask me why I’m not married. If I were a man, my bachelor lifestyle wouldn’t receive so much as a blink!
As for characters, I have noticed that many of my female main characters are straight-talking types. Often, my male characters are the sensitive ones!
(Thanks, Jay, for leading me here!)
Very interesting post, and well said.
Writing for the same audience, I do try to add elements like those you mention–the grandmother who’s a high-end corporate type, the neatnik father, the workaholic mother… I try to walk the line between not bowing to convention just because it’s convention, and not bucking ALL of it just for the sake of doing so.
In my life, I’m quite proud of my self-taught web design and graphics work. And at home, if there’s a strange noise in the middle of the night, or something random that needs to be fixed or figured out, it’s almost always me that deals with it. I like getting my hands dirty, and I like figuring things out for myself. Girl power!
You know, as the oldest daughter of a single mom, I ended up doing a lot of things that the brothers or fathers of my friends’ families were responsible for (like trash taking-out or mowing the lawn). My mother is also extraordinarily handy, and always pushed us to do things that “guys” did. So, for example, I can change my own oil and my own tires. I don’t — that’s why I have a job, so I can pay people to do those things — but I could.
As a result (I think), one of the things I’m very conscious about in my stories is that the female characters don’t always have to be “saved” (from Evil or from just taking out the trash), and the male characters aren’t always the ones doing the saving.
So, in the book I’m currently shopping, my main character S sometimes needs the help of her male friend G, but G doesn’t show up every time she ends up in a fix. Sometimes, she’s on her own and she’s got to make things happen. She’s got to help herself.
I think it’s important, like you suggest, that an author take a look at the characters of the book and make sure that all of the characters aren’t falling into “traditional” gender roles, but instead reflect more of gender reality.