I have a bad habit. I say things like, “I have sooooo much to do today!” and “Things are crazy-busy here!” when the truth is that my life is very relaxed and chill and that I have to add things like “shower” and “breakfast” to my to-do list just to have enough things to even justify a list in the first place.

So last night, I was sitting outside in the dark, feeding a four-point buck (rubbery) carrots* by moonlight. I admired his calm demeanor and thought, “He’s got a great life.” And then it hit me…THIS IS MY LIFE. This is it. I’m not actually busy or stressed. For the most part, I don’t have much more to do than Bucky, here. For some reason I’ve decided that I need to say those things, that I’m busy, but why?

I’ll tell you what it is, and maybe, because this is a writing blog and you’re probably a writer too, you will understand. Even though I write full time and it’s working out really well for us, I feel like I have to be busy to justify this wonderful, creative, peaceful existence and when I’m not writing (like now), I fabricate things to the point that leaving the house for an hour appointment makes my entire day “swamped with things to do”. It’s the same thing as people who feel guilty reading (believe me, it’s taken me a long time to get over that idea…that I should be doing something else instead of reading…like writing, dishes, laundry, cooking, exercising…).

Now you might be thinking, “Ummm….shouldn’t she be telling her therapist this instead of the world?” Maybe. But then I’d have to make an appointment, block out the time during my busy schedule, go to the appointment…it would take a lot of time. Besides, you guys are free. The truth is, I think it’s important to write about this because I do think that other writers out there are probably doing the same thing. I mean, I can’t be the only neurotic writer, right? Right???

By “the same thing” I mean trying to justify their right to relaxation and to do nothing if they want to.

So today, as an experiment, I made a to-do list and then I added up all the time it will take. I’m into it for about 6 hours. But that’s only if I include cooking three meals, going for a walk, reading, and other fun stuff. Today, I plan to keep things in perspective. What about you? Do you have any bad habits you want to share (just to make me feel better!)?

*I don’t technically believe in feeding wild deer, but occasionally I will give them vegetables just because I cannot resist having a huge, beautiful creature like this nibble my fingers and look at me like I’m the bee’s knees.